Ben sucks...

I dread this feeling inside me...

I know u truly care albeit i always appeared nonchalant.i have been a escapist when it comes to both of us...because i knew i wasnt ready.Not at all.

I'm sorry for not pickin up ur calls and not returning ur sms.

I'm sorry for hurting u.

thats e very last thing i want it to happen to ppl ard me.i apologise for all that i've put u thru,i kn its hard on u.

I hate myself for being such a coward in love,i didnt have e guts to try out a new relationship that i wasnt sure.

but love has discoloured my world lately,i knew i wasnt ready for that game.it was my bad that i didnt tell u straight away.

I wanted to give us a chance,but deep inside me...i know i cant.i got lost amongst e stars in dark skies,i thought i needed someone too.i thought.....

but somehow,there's like a self imposed torture that seems to be on my mind on a repeat mode,i just cant get myself into another relationship again.Not now.

all i want now is to spend quality time with my family and friends, concentrate on my work,make loads of money so my parents can retire earlier.Affairs of e heart,it will be at e backseat for now.

I guess life isn't always what we desire,in fact it has alr left me lost in flames of fire. i wanted a relationship that last forever,i really do. BUT....i just dont have e strength,time & energy to care & love someone at this point of time.

maybe i am tired,maybe i need time,maybe u are not e one..

or maybe i'm jus meant to be all alone......

i suck.

whatever it is....thanks for coming into my life,even though it was for a mere short while.i hope we can continue to be friends and I am sure you will find the prefect astronaut of your dreams,space voyage to the lover's dreamland.

...